Sacrifices

Sacrifice: The sense of something given up for the sake of another

- - Dictionary.com

I've really debated whether or not I want to blog about this next subject. I, in no way, want to turn this blog into a place where I talk about negative things all the time...thats just not me.

However, the more I think about this particular subject, the more irritated, hurt, annoyed, and sad I become. I cannot stress enough the fact I am not writing this to make you feel sorry for me, or to make myself sound like a debby downer. I think it is healthy to talk about your feelings. This is just a subject that has been weighing heavily on my heart.

Plain and simple...I am tired of being a working mom. I'm tired of having someone else watch my child for 10 hours Tuesday-Friday (that in no way means I don't LIKE who watches my child because I am very grateful for the childcare I have-family-doesn't get better than that). I am just tired of not being with my child throughout the week.

When I first went back to work after having 3 months of maternity leave, it was extremely hard. Then as time progressed, I had the attitude of "well, this is what has to be done, so I might as well make the best of it." I went about my day, tried to keep myself busy and looked forward to the evenings and weekends.

Well here I am after 9 months of working and I'm tired of having that attitude. To be completely honest, I'm tired of convincing myself that its okay...lots of moms work full time-I can totally do this! Can I totally do this-yes...do I want to-NO. Here is where I find my mind wandering lately: Why can't I be a stay at home mom? Why can't I take my child to the park in the middle of the week instead of waiting until the weekend? Why can't I meet up with other moms for lunch/play dates? And you know what word comes to mind EVERY time I have this stupid conversation with myself? Sacrifice

As a mother, it is impossible to not look at your own mother as an example of motherhood. I have been blessed with an amazing mother who is not only my best friend, but an amazing example to me of motherhood. As I reflect back on my childhood, there is not one event that I can remember her not being involved in. She home schooled me until 8th grade-obviously during that time she did not work. She sacrificed her time to teach me. Also, because she did not work, I'm sure my parents had to sacrifice a lot  due to lack of income on her part. What a huge sacrifice! During those years of course I did not realize or really think about that but now looking back...wow-thank you mom for sacrificing things so that you could teach me at home. When I went to school my freshman year she worked at the school and eventually worked at the church. We rode to school/work every day and then if I had practice or school activities she was there or picked me up afterwards. She was at every game I played in, every award ceremony, and every big event. She sacrificed once again. She went to work so that I could have a high school education, have money for sports, buy prom dresses, and be an expensive teenager! =) So once again mom, thank you for sacrificing your time, energy, and wallet for me.

With all that said, no matter if I am a full time working mother, or a stay at home mother...I've realized sacrifice is inevitable. Yes, I work full time-but I sacrifice so that my child can grow up in a nice home. I sacrifice so that I can afford to buy diapers, food, clothing, toys, and healthcare. When I look at it that way, it makes it easier to swallow.

I pray every morning, as I drive to work after dropping my child off, that someday God would allow me to experience the sacrifice of a stay at home mother. However, until that day comes, I will continue to sacrifice my time, energy, and wallet for my child.

Someday List

Bing defines "Someday" as: at a time in the future: at some unknown, unspecified, and usually fairly distant time in the future

As my husband and I sat down for dinner last night I told him "Someday I'd like to get new plates/bowl settings." We then laughed about it when I said "add it to the someday list". Then the more I started thinking about it, I realized...wow, I really do have a Someday List. I think everyone has some sort of list. Whether it be a couple of items or a long list of things. I'm sure everyone has different items on their list! So, in no particular order...here is my list!



1. Vacation in Tahiti/Bora Bora (ok...this IS probably on the top of my list, but everything else is in no particular order! haha)
2. Replace our carpet with hardwood-except in the bedrooms.
3. Have the inside of our home painted
4. Replace our plates/cups/bowls with a new set-preferably white
5. Become a stay at home mom
6. Own a pearl white vehicle
7. Take up ballet lessons again-I miss it
8. Have my fake nails again
9. Have my parents live in the same town as me
10. Go on a Disney Cruise
11. Visit the Grand Canyon
12. Cement the side yard
13. Visit my husbands side of the family in AL, ND and PA
14. Go to Vegas with friends  for my 30th birthday
15. Stay in the "treehouse" again with my husband

What does your list look like?

Never Grow Up...

It was early Sunday morning--about 3AM-I woke up and had this intense pressure in my lower stomach. Thought to myself, hmmm that was weird and tried to fall back to sleep. Thirty minutes later...same thing! Then twenty minutes later same thing. This pattern continued for the next hour or so. Not knowing if these were contractions or not, I thought I better start to time them. By the time my husband woke up at 6AM for work the intense pressure was about every 6-7 minutes apart. I told my husband how I spent the last 3 hours and he suggested I call the advice nurse. Being that I was scheduled to have a C-section on Thursday-due to the fact he was breech-the advice nurse advised I come in to get checked. We quickly packed a bag, called our parents, and headed up to Roseville. The drive up Hazel seemed to take forever. The contractions were pretty intense-or so I thought at the time. We arrived, got checked in, got hooked up...and then the real contractions started. The chart ranges from 0-10: 10 being the highest. By the time I was hooked up and monitored, my contractions were off the chart...OUCH!!! I remember thinking during those painful contractions "how in the heck do women do this WITHOUT any pain medication?!?!" Because I was contracting and starting to dilate--not good when you have to have a c-section--they gave me medicine to stop the contractions, booked an OR, and put us in a delivery room to wait until an OR opened. Meanwhile, my parents were on their way down, James' parents were on their way to the hospital...Wesley was being delivered ASAP! Finally an OR opened and the nurse walked me in. I don't think I will ever forget walking in to the OR. I just remember thinking-don't look around Lindsay, just get up on the table and lets get this show on the road! The Dr. gave me the spinal block and within minutes I could no longer feel by lower half--crazy how fast it works. The surgery began at 12:00 and by 12:17pm Wesley James Gregory was born into the world at 6lbs 3oz 19in and the most beautiful baby I had ever seen:

It still amazes me what an incredible gift God gave us. The past year has flown by and I cannot believe our little Wesley is already a whole year old. It has truly been the greatest joy to watch Wesley  grow over the past year. Before you're a parent, you never really think about that first year-at least I didn't. There are so many milestones that happen from 0-12 months. Rolling over, sitting up, crawling, walking, talking, eating, and the list goes on and on!

I think over the last 12 months I have really learned a lot. Not just about being a parent, but about myself as well. Its funny, before you are a parent you say things like "when I have a child, I will never...." or "when I have a child, he/she will..." but you know what I've learned? All of that goes out the window when you actually HAVE a child...and I think most moms would agree with me on that. Until you are a parent, there are just things you don't really know...or realize for that matter! In no way do I say that in a negative light...its just what it is.

Taylor Swift sings this song called "never grow up". There is a section of the song that I sing to Wesley sometimes at night when I'm putting him to bed...goes like this:

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple

I feel like the past year flew by so fast. I have a TODDLER!!!! How did this happen so quickly!?!

Wesley, you truly are the best gift God ever gave us...we love you SO much!!!

Secret Romance

In order to love simply, it is necessary to know how to show love.

-- Fyodor Dostoyevsky

I love this quote. It reminds me of a previous note that I had written on Facebook about marriage and the whole concept of it. In today's society marriage is not viewed as a life long commmitment; in part due to the fact people go into marriage with the mentality "what can I get from this marriage".

The quote puts it quite simply: it is necessary to show love in order TO love! I completely agree with that. It goes with the age old saying, "do unto others as you would have done to you".

Keeping with the "show" love quote, now begins my reasoning for writing about this. Last month I ordered this secret romance package for James and I. It is a red heart tin that has 365 cards in it. Under each card is a secret act that you must do for your spouse. It ranges from every day practical things like "start his/her car for him/her on a cold morning" to more romantic things like "greet him/her with a lingering kiss after a long absence". Yes there are 365 cards in the tin, but James and I decided it would be more fun to do it this way: Every Sunday we alternate picking a card and sometime during the week we do what the card says. This way, we never know when it will happen and it gives us something to look forward to! 

I think little things like this are what helps us keep that mentality of "what can I ADD to this marriage instead of what can I GET from this marriage."